After completing my second weekend intensive I have come to the realization that my body and life have many imbalances. I went into this course with a bit of an ego to be honest. I thought, I lift weights regularly, psht, I can totally DO this! Have you seen my quads, LOL! Well, let me tell you, I was quickly and swiftly humbled. How could I deadlift and squat on a regular basis, but I couldn’t use my inner thigh muscles to rotate my leg inwards and hold it for any length of time? How is it that I had to sit with a heating pad between my thighs all Saturday night to ease the soreness? What the heck was going on?!
The body has this really unique way of wanting to train its strengths and avoid the weaknesses. We over develop what we’re good at because, hey, who doesn’t want to feel successful during their workout? I began feeling frustrated and angry with myself. How could I not have noticed this? Why am I not strong enough? Are others suffering too or is it just me? But ego has no business in the practice of yoga, I’m realizing that now. So after an evening of negative self talk I decided to turn it around. These imbalances are not obstacles to push against, they are exciting new goals to lean into!
Yoga is not just a form of physical exercise we do on a mat for an hour. This was a mind blowing realization for me! We must train the mind just as much as we train our bodies. For me this started with letting go of any expectations. I stopped expecting that I could just do something like chair pose or warrior simply because I have strong legs. Because clearly, it is multi dimensional. Where was my core in all of this? Where are my abductors and adductors? Where was my MIND?
As I began to see that everything starts with the belief that “I CAN”, my confidence came back. I walked in on Sunday feeling proud that I am even here. Proud that I had the courage to take on a new challenge and experience. I AM a yogi! I CAN do this!
With this new sense of self, I find my entire mindset shifting. Little things in my week that I once thought have nothing to do with yoga, began to change. My mood, my sleep, my patience, my awareness. Random words begat floating through my brain all day long: ischial tuberosity, adduction, uddiyana bhanda, taddassana, big toe mounds, long spine, sagital, transverse, practice, namaste …These words make me smile. They are who I AM now. BE KRISTA.
Take care readers and BE WELL,